Some people are better at this than others. Not every person is equally empathetic. Because we are so eager to be the center of the world, we easily fall under the spell of empathetic people. It’s addictive to feel someone focus all their attention on you. Being able to empathize with what you are thinking and feeling also makes empathic people very pleasant partners. It gives a sense of security, a feeling that the other person likes you so much that you are the center of the world, that everything revolves around you. They read you like an open book, sense your needs and can respond to them without really having to ask. Thus, every woman’s wet dream.
However, there is a downside to being empathetic: manipulation. Those who are good at empathy are often also able to subconsciously and consciously direct your thoughts. Manipulative people are especially good at recognizing uncertainty in the other person. They catch your doubt, know when you are a little uncertain about something, and then elaborate on it to create even more doubt. A manipulative partner often knows how to bend an argument to his/her will in such a way that when the argument started with you being angry because your partner did something wrong, you will end up being the one who will say sorry.
One tactic a manipulator often uses is the : ‘If you love me then … (do you want a child with me, make love to me, agree to a threesome, wouldn’t go out without me, wear clothes I like, cook me what I like, decorate our house the way I like, go on vacation to where I like, understand that I need time for myself, allow me my freedom, …).
He/she forces you into a position that if you say no this could be taken as a “I don’t like you enough to do this. Consider, however, that it can also be the other way around: if he/she loves you then she/he is not asking something of you that you don’t actually want.
Therefore, it is important to guard your boundaries when someone says to you: if you love me then …. ! Even if you love them very much, your own boundaries remain worth guarding.
Nederlandse versie: https://lenigeliefde.wordpress.com/2013/11/14/in-the-name-of-love/
lenigeliefde 